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What a Leader Learned Through Pain
By Paul | March 20, 2007
Tina Lagonegro shares what God has taught her through her battle with Parkinson’s. I asked her for what she’d like all leaders to hear, both for when they go through pain, and when a group member goes through pain. She desires God to be glorified through this.
Before God could show me His strength, He had to break mine. This process started 3 years ago when I came across the scripture in Heb. 12:26-29. Reading this led me to pray for God to shake away everything in my heart that wasn’t of Him so that all that was left was His throne.
Strength wasn’t the first of my “shakings,” but it was the one with the most impact. Strength, physically and emotionally, was a big part of who I was. Coming from a long line of “strong” women, I prided myself on being able to multitask, have a well-run household, rise to the occasion in crisis, and have a healthy dinner ready on time. To me these were gifts from God and I could bring glory and honor to His name through them.
Having three kids in three and half years and my husband having his own significant trials, I was tired and empty. So when we decided to not have anymore children and felt God’s leading to have Bob change careers, I was looking forward to renewed strength and energy to be the mom, the wife and the woman of God that I desired to be and what I thought God wanted from me.
In Feb. of 2005 Bob left his job of 14 years with State Farm, in April we found out baby #4 was coming, surprise!, and in May I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s. Being diagnosed with a degenerative disease at my age and where I was at in life just did not go together in my mind. This was a disease for older people (forgive me) who have raised their children and were retired, not a 33-year-old woman with a young husband and 4 babies. My life as I knew it was over. I was nothing in my eyes and felt like God was making me die a slow death. Without a capable body, without strength as I knew it, how can I be any good to anyone–even God.
I remember a couple months after the diagnosis, I went to God crying and overwhelmed with fear of the unknown future and asked Him to please talk to me, why is this happening? I went looking for the “shaking” scripture thinking “what did I pray?” and he led me to Haggai 2: 1-9. He began to strengthen me with His Word and a promise, with meals for my family on and off for 2 years, with friends that let me sob on their shoulders and laugh with me. In addition: A husband that loves me, a sister that has become a best friend and a second mom to my kids, family that have come along side and help in so many ways, old friends that clean my house once a week, and new friends that know just when to give those spiritual hugs.
The more time I spent with God, reading His Word, knowing His names and what they mean, He began to teach me the Fear of the Lord. With that time and knowledge came a peace, a strength and a strong foundation of who I am in Him. His presence is so strong that before in my relationship with Him I heard His voice, but now I feel His breath on my face. His Word would stick to me but now it flows in me.
Because of this closeness, the Parkinson’s is not just something to overcome but has become something of significant value and honor from Him. Yes, it’s hard, painful and incontinent, but when you’re in love with your Maker, it all seems loving. I’m weak physically and will continue to get weak because of this disease, but it’s not my body that will stand before the Lord–but my soul. He has become to me Jehovah-Rapha – the Lord that Heals, because He is healing my soul, praise God!
I’ve realized that what I desired to be as a mom, a wife and a woman of God would never have happened because it would have been in my own strength, in my lack of knowledge of Him, and I would fail. Today I may not be capable in the world’s eyes, but because of what God has shown me, I am fully capable to be a mom, a wife and a usable servant because His strength is perfect in me.
As far as God’s perspective on pain, I’m not sure. The Bible says in Heb. 5:7-9 that “He (Jesus) was heard because of his reverent submission, although He was a Son, He learned obedience from what He suffered.” To me Jesus is the perfect example of how to truly love God, and if He learned obedience from His suffering, then I want to learn obedience from mine. Psalms 119:75 says “and in faithfulness you have afflicted me”; whatever His plan is, I know He loves me and desires to draw me to Himself.
To truly love the Lord with all my heart, soul and strength, I first had to seek after Him. It is in that seeking hard after God that I have found Him and the truths that help me to endure. He has given me understanding, and with that understanding comes a joy and freedom to accept my trial as a means to come closer to Him. He showed me that before, in my lack of time with Him, I made Him smaller then what He really is and that made my trial seem huge. It made Him “king” instead of “KING” of my life.
If you are going through a trial, seek hard after your God, know Him and know His Word. Make Him the consuming fire that the Bible says He is, and rejoice that your trial won’t consume you. If you’re not going through a trial, seek hard after your God, know Him and know His word. God bless.
–Tina
Topics: Inspire |
March 23rd, 2007 at 2:38 pm
Tina,
You have blessed my heart so much! The Lord has been speaking to David and I about the very same thing you shared. We have been talking about this with our care group. I will be sharing it at our next meeting. I was so moved to tears by what you said, because I saw the very heart of God in it. The Holy Spirit has spoken loudly and clearly through you. Bless you, Bless you, for sharing your heart and God’s heart so freely.
Thanks, Tina!
Gina
March 23rd, 2007 at 2:47 pm
Praise God! What a precious tender way God has touched your life! Thank you so much for telling from your heart!
March 26th, 2007 at 10:19 am
What a testimony to God’s love for us! He does use all things for the good of those who love Him. Your faithfulness is such an encouragement and a good reminder to draw nearer to Him and to trust Him in good times as well as through the trials. Your description of your encounters make me long for such closeness to God as well. Thank you for sharing.
March 27th, 2007 at 10:33 am
You are an inspiration and challenge to all of us.
March 27th, 2007 at 3:06 pm
I too am inspired by your story and desire to “know His breath on my face”.